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He ducked into the darkened room of one of his old haunts, Johnson's Tavern in Weehawken. It was far enough from Secaucus to require some effort but close enough to require only one bus, which Brendan snuck aboard from the back.He didn't recognize any faces, but he identified the looks of exhaustion, depression, and loneliness he saw around the room. He sidled up to the bar and took a seat, anticipating a little alcohol buzz. The bartender ambled over like he had a bad hip and said, "Put money on the bar and you can have what you want."Brendan pulled a twenty from his left pocket and ordered a draft. The bartender gave him $15 in change and handed him a suspiciously yellow brew in a middling size mug. Brendan took a tentative sip of the weak drink, wondering if he had just wasted a good chunk of his fun money. The room was fairly quiet because the others around the bar weren't really talking. Mostly they stared at the TV on a shelf high up in a corner of the room showing a basketball. I felt closer to Nature, to Spirit, and to the sense of awe that filled the world there versus anyplace else in my travels. The trip through Europe had wanted in this regard even though I'd tried meditating in almost every city, often in different places.I thought about heaven, and what it must be like. In a way, I didn't believe in either a heaven or a hell – these were constructs of man, not of some vengeful God who made decisions on where you would spend the rest of eternity. I believed in angels too, but not the kind with wings; more like spiritual guides that we should listen to more than we do. I believed in an after-life and a before-life; I had trouble envisioning what that place and space and time would be like, but I had always carried great faith that these were real experiences of the spirit – the soul. The bomb explosion in Dublin had reminded me how thin the veil between life and death could be – the tether between this world and some other. But it wasn't just the bomb.
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